I understand you. I was also very embarrassed when I discovered that I got excited when I saw a big black cock "impaling" some white girls. It took me a while to accept, but I ended up fulfilling my desires. From the first time, I continued to be a normal man in everyday life. But within four walls, being fucked vigorously by a big black cock, I melt and scream like a little whore.
Exactly how I got it when I got broke in he told me to just relax and let it happen lol I couldn't at 1st but he was right the more I tensed up the more it hurt